“But you can’t give your heart to a wild thing: the more you do the stronger they get. Until they’re strong enough to run into the woods. Or fly into a tree. Then a taller tree. Then the sky. That’s how you’ll end up, Mr. Bell. If you let yourself love a wild thing. You’ll end up looking at the sky.”—Breakfast at Tiffany’s by Truman Capote (via thatkindofwoman)
“Alex: I think you’re fantastic if that makes you care what I think. It’s not only because I think you would shotgun a beer with me while wearing a dress and heels at a fancy party.
Though I think you would and that does make you fantastitc.”—I recommend having friends. They are the shit when you are feeling awful about yourself.
“Having a conversation like that starts a book it doesn’t write the whole story. Open the book already. Then decide what you want to do next. I will support either decision. But the rest is up to you and maybe the boy.”—My boss, rather insightful for a Tuesday Afternoon.
There is a point in your professional career when you realize you are actually valuable. That you are not just pushing around papers, that people are coming to you with questions, expecting experience based solutions and leadership.
“Can I love non-possessively, permissively — without withdrawing myself, setting up my own defences and strategy retreats, on one hand, or reducing the amount and intensity of my love, on the other?”— Susan Sontag on Love, 17/Feb/70 - As Consciousness Is Harnessed to Flesh: Journals and Notebooks, 1964-1980. (via slightlypretentious)
Which is not news, except for the fact it is the first time I have done it in six years of work.
I am sick, really sick. Would have caused misery for my coworkers. Sniffles, sweating, sneezing… I am one hot piece right now let me tell you.
I am also exhausted. Exhausted by one of those conversations you can only have late at night with someone you truly value in your life. Who’s opinion, based on years of experience, just matters more, because, they get it. And they get you. If you’re doing it right you have a few people in your life you know you can count on for talks like this.
I opened up to him in a way I can’t remember if I ever had before. It isn’t pretty, it isn’t glamorous, but I can’t remember the last time I was so honest with someone and myself. About relationships, who I am and want to be and my great hesitations. I know that while I am not easy as a person, I sure as hell I am worth it. To someone else, and most importantly to myself. There is so much I want for me still.
I think we become obsessed with the big relationships, the years, the investment. But its some of the most surprising that can hit you the hardest. They can be very short, or not even a formal relationship at all, and they can act like a cannonball to your psyche. In the best and worst ways.
Long story short, I needed a day of recovery, rest, and to analyze the hell out of the situation as only I know how. Before I work towards some big things. Today was a great day to take off, a necessary break, a reboot and refocus and I know I will feel better in my head and heart tomorrow.
I just read your blog post. I admit I hate it when people say this to me, because HOW but seriously- try to stop worrying about it all. you are YOUNG and there’s plenty of time left for you to get where you’re going.
Honestly, there’s little else you can do other than make the best choice for yourself today, and hope that those choices lead to even better things tomorrow.
I think you should be so proud of your life. You have a high-powered job in one the country’s greatest cities, plenty of friends who are there when you need them (me), and a countless number of men wanting to take you on exorbitantly expensive dates/marry you if you’d let them. I’m proud that you’re my friend and there’s not a shred of doubt that however long it takes, you’ll get everything you want out of life. because that’s who you are, and you deserve it.
Sometimes I think my life moves so fast (my own fault) and I wonder how my choices might differ if I slowed down a bit. Or if I tried to further my career more before getting pregnant. As happy as I am about the baby (and I’m ecstatic), these things still keep me up at night. What if I wake up in 10 years and think, fuck, I never lived in LA/NYC, became a director of a nonprofit and bought myself a killer pair of loubs? One day I might feel that way, who knows… but I know that today I’m making the best decisions for my life with what I’ve got.
I think the point of my rambling is that you can’t worry about the what-ifs or repercussions that are still 10 steps down the line. Focus on what you have control over today and make the best decisions for YOU, because you still have that luxury. I truly believe that when you find what you want out of a location, career, etc. all the other things will just fall into place.
Don’t let anyone pressure you… and might I remind you that I’m flying solo out here with this whole marriage-house-baby thing! I’m lucky to have friends like you that stick by me when I decide to do crazy shit like get pregnant.
I love you, I hope this email doesn’t come off as condescending or like I’m telling you how to feel. I just want you to be happy, SO HAPPY, and fuck anyone who stands in your path to get there.
After a long mid-year (way too personal) review with my boss yesterday, my mother’s visit last weekend and probing from my sister about my next life move, I am exhausted.
If you are not in a serious relationship, a homeowner or creating your own family at my age it seems you are subject to endless questioning of your career motives, pursuasion from family and the reminder of your ever-aging uterus. GOD, DO NOT FORGET YOU ARE GETTING OLDER. Don’t worry, I have not. My hair won’t let me forget, nor will my rack.
But, I am just not ready to commit.
I kept telling my mom when she was in town that I just have this feeling that I have one more great adventure in me. Another move. Another experience of figuring it all out. I can’t get that desire and excitement out from deep in my gut. She is supportive, but you can tell it scares the hell out of her (I will always be her wild card).
But, why do I have to keep justifying my desire to do this to seeminly every other person I talk to? Its not crazy, I am not falling “off the grid” I am not moving to Borneo to work at a bar or living on a commune. I am just taking my time.
I promise you, you, internet, I will commit when it is the right place, person or time for me. I am not running or avoiding. I know if I met someone who changed my game, I would be in, no holding back. I respect and admire my wonderful friends who have found that.